The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
