I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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