dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
