sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
