I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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