Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
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Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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