Me. At least after what I've been through.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
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Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
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next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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