I'm so fucking centered right now
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
