What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
