It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
