fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
