I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
