all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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