also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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