I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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