Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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