the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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