Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
