my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
