you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
