Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
