I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
