if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
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Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
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He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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