you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
