put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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