So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
