please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
