I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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