you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
