She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
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My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
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She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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