Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
