I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
