Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
