It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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