Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
