How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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