the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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