god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
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Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
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I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Blow job season was short but glorious.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
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