connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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