ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
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When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
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Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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