nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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