Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
