are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm experimenting with sincerity
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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