She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
