I just cut my nipple shaving
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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