My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
