Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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