I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
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She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
don't judge my taste in strippers
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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