he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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