I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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