I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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