college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
