This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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