Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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