Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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