Kareoke will never be a sober sport
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
