You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i drank out of a bidet.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
