we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
