I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
