the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
