I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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