my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
