I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
