i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
